Why you should let people know what you see & value in them

As someone who is very self-aware and self-reflective, I used to believe that the best way to know about our best traits and capabilities, was simply just by thinking about it on your own. While I still believe that reflection and self-awareness are absolutely necessary for success, I now think that without feedback from others, we actually do not realize our true potential. 

This post could have been about seeking out that feedback, however, instead, I wanted to address why on your own, and preferably out of the blue, you should tell those around you what you appreciate about them. 

Our feelings towards people should not stay in our head

I think that a lot of times we tend to think really highly of those in our inner circle, or even mentors, like professors.  We often think to ourselves “wow what a great friend they are” or “my parents are the best,” but these thoughts tend to stay in most people’s head’s the majority of time. But why? 

People in your life will never ever know what you specifically feel about them unless you tell them in words. Actions can show how much you care, and are crucial, but words are what help to explain WHY you value the relationship and the specific person. 

Sometimes people are so caught up in their own thoughts that they don’t realize what others see in them. For example, I have definitely had multiple perspective shifts in the last year and have been on a journey to feeling a lot happier. However, it was not until someone told me that I am so happy, cheerful, and optimistic all the time (traits that I have aspired to reflect for awhile now), that it hit me that I really am feeling the happiest I have in a very long time. 

I have had the same reaction by friends when I have told them what I see from my perspective. I have gotten responses like “I really never knew you felt this way all these years” or “I never thought of myself that way before.” Some things may seem obvious or unspoken, but I promise most are not. I know that it’s cliche but there is really no point in holding back when you seriously never know what can happen. 

Specificity and out of the blue

Telling someone they are a good friend and EXPLAINING WHY they are a good friend are very different. Explaining the why can help the friend use the insight in the future and can provide more confidence to the person, whereas the former is just a nice gesture. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy- if you explain to someone that they always make you feel so important and supported when you share good news, they will most likely remember that and then do it even more with other people. 

In my opinion, sharing these feelings at random times is the best. Holidays, birthdays, etc are more expected and feel less authentic (although still appreciated), but explaining why you value someone at a completely random time truly shows how much you care because it shows they were on your mind. 

In short, there is no point in holding back our feelings. In fact, there is only potential upside- you feel good about the act and the receiver has a deeper understanding of their importance to you and the world.